enthralled

So, I’m starting to learn to admit that I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ve always been “above” it… I mean, really, who needs rom coms or cheesy love songs? Not me. Never me.

Except my heart melts at the thought of getting flowers… at someone knowing me enough to know exactly which concoction of blooms makes my heart beat a lil faster. And I don’t think I would ever turn down a cheesy love song… I think I’ve written one too many to sit in judgement of someone so crazy about me that they’re driven to music, which happens to be my very favorite thing. Plus… anyone who actually knows me knows how much I love to dance. I could dance forever. And one day I want to live life with a man who sweeps me off of my feet… who dances like a goober with me, but also twirls me around our kitchen. I want someone who fills our house with speakers just so he can watch me dance through our house… or, better yet, dances with me in every single room.

So it’s no surprise that sometimes when I pray I imagine dancing with Jesus, my favorite Man, my Husband, my Home. I imagine it like a first dance at a wedding (minus all the people). I’m in a beautiful white gown nose to nose and heart to heart with my Forever. And, honestly, sometimes I just sit there not even praying words, just swaying in my seat imagining being with my Savior, being held by Him, awaiting the day when I truly am nose to nose with my Jesus. And the other day when I was doing this very thing, the Lord whispered, “enthralled by your beauty”.

Lol. And of course in my head I’m thinking, “What. Me? Enthralled by my beauty? I’m sitting in a seat appreciating Your beauty, Jesus. Mine doesn’t matter.”

Except that it does.

Except that He who loves me to my very core and sees me as lovely wants me to see myself that way too. What man in love doesn’t want his woman to know how beautiful she is to him? And how much more so would that be if the man made his woman exactly how he wanted her? His very goodness would be shown in the way she walks, in the way she smiles at strangers and loves those around her.

And for those of you who either don’t know me personally or just haven’t gotten to know this fun fact about me yet: I had a bit of an eating disorder in college. I dropped like fifteen pounds in a month alone the fall of my senior year. It took Jesus surrounding me with people who fought with me, fought for me, and sometimes just fought me to feed me. And of course Jesus is the kindest and gave me a coffee shop with a free (great!!) meal every single shift for my first job in Nash… but that job is coming to a close. And even as I’ve been working there less in the past couple months, I’ve seen my tendencies come back. Instead of simply feeding myself, I’ve reverted back to questioning whether or not I’ve earned my food for the day. I take note of all the things I wish I could change instead of all the daily graces Jesus puts before me. And to Him, that matters.

“Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.” -Psalm 45:11

Jesus doesn’t care about my beauty because I am the point. He cares about my beauty because He is the point. The affirmation of His delight doesn’t fix my eyes on myself… rather His delight allows me to take my eyes off of myself and all of the things about myself that I would fix and set my eyes on the One who made me, cherishes me, and calls me His. Because, friends, when I know that Jesus is enthralled by me I’m set free to rest in His steadfast love instead of killing myself to meet others’ expectations of beauty. I’m quite literally freed to eat to the glory of Jesus, knowing that through the blood of Jesus I am the treasured bride of Christ.

So, friends, rest this week in the peace that comes from knowing that Jesus Himself is genuinely captivated by you… that you don’t have to work or starve to earn His adoration. Rest in knowing that He isn’t lukewarm in His love or pursuit of you… that each of us was crafted in love by the same God who designed peonies, daisies, baby’s breath, and every chunky lil squirrel. Rest well because you have a very special place in the heart of the One who designed beauty in the first place… and it would be a shame for us to exhaust ourselves looking for the adoration we already have in Jesus.

All my love,

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