from the heart of a runner

So, I have this terrible tendency to run like the wind away from any and everything that scares me or hurts my feelings.

I feel the need to run away from my new job when relationships with coworkers are hard or when the transition doesn’t feel like it’s transitioning. I feel the need to run away from anyone that offends me… I hide away in silence and pray that by the time I have to face them that I’ve come up with words clever enough to mask the very real, very deep feelings that lay underneath the bandaid I present them in the name of compromise. I feel the need to run away when life gets boring or when I feel like the adventure I crave is found elsewhere. I run away from community and people that love me simply because it can be safer to go at things alone and start fresh… and because of this, staying rooted is a fight.

Every single day of my life I fight to bloom where I’m planted. Even though I love Franklin, I dream of spending months doing ministry in Ireland or Switzerland… and I don’t think about it once or twice a week… no, I dream that every. single. day. And often I feel like a bird with clipped wings… who knows what it feels like to fly free and yet is confined to the ground. Some days I even feel like a prisoner in this beautiful home that I love so dearly (*cue the cutie Robin Hood creatures with their shackles and that’s about right… I’m not dramatic at all).

But lately Jesus has been really surrounding me with the idea of being planted in Him, rooted in Him, blooming in Him. No flower blossoms without first being rooted in soil. To put a seed on the concrete, pour water, and pray for it to grow flowers is nonsensical. In the same way, to uproot again and again in the name of fear does nothing but damage the beauty that could have bloomed with the promise of spring.

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” Colossians 2:6-7

Jesus’s dream for me is that I would build my life on Him and in Him. That He would be my home. That I would live my life following Him instead of my whimsical, misguided, fear-driven heart and be thankful every single step of the way. That I would stay right where he’s placed me and love who He’s given me knowing that my greatest adventure isn’t found just around the corner, but in knowing the love and character of Jesus Christ more and more. His dream is that I would love Him and serve Him and be with Him wherever He would have me… and that my life would be a life marked by and overflowing with thankfulness for all He’s given me along the way.

And this kind of rooted, the one that plants me in Jesus and in the physical place that He’s put me, actually gives me the freedom that my soul craves. I’m free to build a home and fill it with people made in His image that I care for… and that care for me so well. I can learn to embrace forgiveness and the “I’m sorry”s that will in turn make my relationships stronger, not weaker. And this frees me to not live this scary, hurt-filled, crazy life all by myself. I’m free to live in the mercies of today, appreciating every single fluffy creature, squishy babe, cup of coffee, and giggle that each day holds. And even though I’m rooted in Franklin and in Jesus, I’m allowed to even plan fun adventures with the people that I love… because, yes, Jesus is in the mundane, but He’s also very present in the wondrous, beautiful, magical things of life as well.

So, from the heart of a runner, know that Jesus didn’t make us to flee this life in fear, but to enfold ourselves into Him when it gets hard and trust that He is true to His Word… and that He’s in the business of make all things new, broken things whole, dirty things clean, and ugly things beautiful. We just have to stick our roots down in Him and let Him.

All my love,

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